


Fake Love

by Blood_Bunii



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Bottom Remus Lupin, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Top Sirius Black, abused Remus lupin, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24038794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blood_Bunii/pseuds/Blood_Bunii
Summary: Remus is in an abusive relationship but refuses to tell the other Marauders anything about it. Sirius is determined to get to the bottom of Remus' suddenly worsened anxiety and and the bruises he's been gaining no where near the full moon.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Original Male Character(s), Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 34
Kudos: 201





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a fanfic like this before so I apologize in advance if it's terrible. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this!

Remus walked into the common room at around 11pm, limping quite badly and staring at the floor. Sirius looked up from the game of wizard's chess him and James had been playing and frowned. "What's up mate? You're walking a little weirdly there" he said, getting up to help Remus. "You need to go to Pomfrey?" Remus just shook his head, limping over to the stairs. "Don't worry, I'm fine." he said, wincing as he walked.

James and Sirius looked at each other. "Sirius is right Moons. You don't seem fine. Where were you anyway? You're usually already asleep by now" James said, also a little worried about their friend.

"If you must know, I was with my boyfriend" Remus mumbled. Despite knowing they were perfectly fine with him being gay, he was still nervous to talk to them about his boyfriend. James smirked, Sirius' eyes widened and Peter snored on the couch. "Has our innocent little Moony finally lost his virginity?" James asked teasingly. Sirius watched Remus to see how he'd react. "I lost my virginity ages ago actually, though I don't see how it's any of your business" the werewolf muttered.

"He must have been quite rough with you" Sirius said, smirking a little. "Who knew our Remus was such a kinky little bastard. I bet you got him to tie you up too." He turned to look at Sirius and James for the first time since he arrived. Sirius jumped up and ran over to Remus. "What the hell happened?" he asked, gently touching around Remus' new black eye.

"I just tripped" Remus mumbled, pulling away. He knew James and Sirius wouldn't believe that; they were actually a lot smarter than people gave them credit for. "Fine, I ran into a Slytherin prefect on the way back. He didn't give me detention or take house points away, he just used a simple hex on me. I'll be fine."

He refused to admit to them that his boyfriend had done it. Nobody would believe him anyway. His boyfriend, Alexander Brown, was a Ravenclaw prefect, which definitely didn't surprise the Marauders. He was smart, funny and kind. Well, he was to everyone apart from Remus. The thing he liked the tell Remus the most was that he was a monster, a freak, and that nobody would ever love him the way he does. And because of that, Remus should give him everything he wanted. Alexander always made sure he got what he wanted, whether it was by guilt tripping Remus into agreeing, or by forcing him. It didn't matter. All that mattered to Alexander was that Remus remembered where and who he belonged to and didn't tell anyone about what he did to him.

And that night had been no exception. Remus had been lying next to Alexander in a bed in the Room of Requirement, almost asleep, when Alex had decided he was bored. He had flipped Remus onto his back, ignoring his protests. "Please not tonight Alex. I'm so tired. Can't we do it in the morning?" Remus had asked sleepily. He had screamed in pain as Alex pushed into him without any warning or preparation. "Quiet. You're lucky I can bear to touch you, let alone show you this much love. You're such a freak. How Black, Potter and Pettigrew can bear to sleep in the same room as you, I'll never know." he had whispered as he had taken what he wanted yet again. He only punched Remus when he screamed, causing the black eye. "Don't you love me too?" Alex had asked, smirking as Remus had nodded. "Good boy. Prove that you love me. Let me take what I want and make no fuss. I deserve it anyway. I'm the only person who'll ever love a monster like you. You are so lucky I'm this kind."

Remus was brought back to the present by Sirius clearing his throat. "What?" Remus asked hoarsely. Sirius frowned and took a proper look at Remus. "Moony have you been... crying?" Sirius asked. "Did your that Slytherin hurt you? I'll fucking kill him! Who was it? I bet it was Snivellus"

Remus started to panic. "Sirius, he didn't make me cry. I promise. Please calm down. The hex that the Slytherin used on me hurt a bit, OK? It's honestly nothing." he said, hoping Sirius would believe him. Sirius shook his head. "Was he a little too rough with you? We all know how you like to be dominated, Moony has shown us that much, but you can't take too much. You'll only hurt yourself" Sirius said, moving closer to Remus. Remus moved back slightly. "I don't want to talk about this. I just want to sleep" he mumbled, quickly going up to the dorm.

He laid down on his bed and shut the curtains before starting to cry. He never cried in front of the others. It was a sign of weakness. He couldn't let them see he was weak. But right at that moment, he was alone and he couldn't pretend to be strong any longer. "Why me? Why did you target me?!" he yelled angrily, not caring if the others heard. He didn't care about anything at that moment. Everything Alex had told him ran through his mind. He was right. Remus really was a freak. Nobody could ever love him like Alex did. He had to start doing what Alex said or he'd lose him as well. Remus fell asleep to Alex's voice in his head, telling him over and over that he wasn't good enough.

* * *

The next day was exactly the same. Remus went to meet Alex outside the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. "Hi Alex!" he said happily as he ran over to his boyfriend. Alex looked at Remus and rolled his eyes. "Dorm. Now" he said. Remus nodded quickly and told the Fat Lady the password, running up to his dorm with Alex. 

"Can we just cuddle today?" Remus asked hopefully. Alex snorted and scoffed. "You really think you'll be able to keep me by just 'cuddling'? In case you haven't realized, I'm not a girl. No, you're gonna lay on the bed and take what I give you like a very good little freak, aren't you?" Alex asked, pushing Remus down onto the bed and pulling off his clothes. His own clothes were removed quickly after. Remus nodded quickly, absolutely terrified. Alex smiled sweetly. "Don't worry baby, I've got lube this time." he said. What we forgot to tell his werewolf boyfriend was that the lube contained silver, specially designed to keep away and hurt werewolves. 

The scream Remus let out when Alex entered him was heard by half the castle.

* * *

Sirius heard the scream and instantly recognized it as Remus. He looked at James, the fear clear in his eyes and James instantly understood. They both got up from where they had been sitting in one of the hidden passages and ran up to the common room. Luckily they weren't too far away and the Fat Lady quickly let them in, understanding that it was serious and the rules didn't matter. 

The two boys ran to the dorm and pushed the door open. It wasn't locked. Sirius ran over to Remus' bed. "Remus? Moony, please tell me you're OK" he said before he could see who was in the bed.

Remus moaned loudly in answer, blushing bright red. Alex turned to look at them. "Do you think you could excuse us? Remus is a little... preoccupied." he said, smirking.

James and Sirius both looked extremely embarrassed and quickly looked away and took a few steps back so they couldn't see anything they were doing. "So you aren't in pain?" James asked uncomfortably, trying not to look at them. "That was a scream of... pleasure?" Remus nodded slightly, in too much pain to verbally respond. Luckily, Alex answered for him. "He's perfectly fine, just got a little bit too excited and came early, didn't you baby?" he asked. Remus just nodded, hoping James and Sirius would go away soon.

The two boys ran out of the dorm, looking disgusted.

Alex glared at Remus and slapped him across the face when they were gone. "What did I tell you about being too loud? If I wanted to be with someone who'd disobey me, I'd be with a Slytherin. You don't get to disobey me. You do as I say or else." he threatened. Remus nodded, absolutely terrified of Alex. "Good boy" Alex said. "Now..."

* * *

Sirius and James burst out laughing when they got out the dorm, door shut behind them. "Poor ickle Remus got too excited" James laughed.

Sirius laughed harder. "You couldn't hold it in, could you baby?" They stopped suddenly when they heard the slap. Sirius smirked. "I think the ickle baby got spanked" he laughed.

James rolled his eyes. "You do realize they're doing it on your bed, right?"

"Eww! That's fucking disgusting!" Sirius whined as James laughed at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually quite proud of this chapter. I'm gonna try and write a chapter everyday.

After that awkward encounter, Remus stopped sleeping in their dorm. The other three Marauders didn't think anything of it; they just thought he was sleeping in Alex's dorm. They didn't bother looking on the map to find him. Remus felt trapped. He had been sleeping in the Shrieking Shack to try and get away from Alex. Sure it was extremely uncomfortable and brought back terrible memories, but anything was better than having to endure the pain Alex caused him. He couldn't sleep in his own dorm either, he was sure the other boys would tease him about what happened with Alex. He just couldn't deal with it right now. He just needed to keep this a secret. That was the most important thing right now. 

Remus walked into the dorm after about a week of not setting foot in there and looked around. Luckily it was empty. He let out a shaky sigh and walked into the bathroom, pulling his shirt off to take a look at the new bruises and cuts Alex gave him. He hated looking at his body. It caused him so much pain. Scars covered his body from when Moony would try to rip himself apart. "Merlin I'm a monster..." he whispered to himself. James, Sirius and Peter had spent years trying to convince him that he wasn't but he knew they were lying. He had told them the same thing every time. "We even learn that werewolves are monsters in class. I could kill all three of you. I should've been in Slytherin because of what I am. A monster. Even my parents know I'm a monster so please stop trying to convince me otherwise."

And now even his boyfriend knew he was a monster. He was filled with a burning hatred for himself. He'd do anything to escape the thoughts that tormented him everyday. He'd thought about escaping a lot and only one way came to mind. He sighed quietly as he looked at his scars. "Why couldn't you have just killed me when you turned me?" he whispered to himself, eyes glossy with tears. He heard the dorm door opening and quickly wiped his eyes, pulling his top back on before leaving the bathroom. "Remus?" James asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm? Oh I just came to get something" Remus said, looking around the room. Jame nodded, not really believing him. "You gonna be sleeping in Alex's dorm again?" he asked, a little surprised when Remus shook his head. "Are you gonna sleep in here then?" Remus shook his head again. "I haven't been sleeping in Alex's dorm all week" Remus said.

"Where have you been sleeping then?" James asked. Remus sighed, knowing there was no point in lying. "I've been sleeping in the Shrieking Shack" he admitted quietly.

James frowned. He knew Remus would never voluntarily sleep in that place; he associated it with the terrible memories pf his transformations. "Remus, what's going on? You've been acting really weird. You haven't even been paying attention in lessons and you flinch every time someone raises their hand near you" he said. Remus didn't know how to answer. He couldn't tell him the truth. Alex would kill him if he found out. He sighed quietly and ran a hand through his hair, sleeve falling down to reveal very recent scars and bruises. James grabbed Remus by his elbow. "What the fuck is going on?!" he growled angrily. Remus involuntarily flinched at James' raised voice. James sighed and pulled Remus into a hug. "Please tell me what's going on. I want to help you. I don't like seeing you hurt."

Remus shook his head, refusing to let the tears fall. He couldn't show that he was weak. Not now. "Please James. I'm fine." he mumbled, pulling away. James sighed and stepped back. He didn't push any further. "If you say so Moony. Just please talk to me if something happens, OK?" he asked softly. Remus nodded, looking away. "Of course Prongs. But everything's fine. Don't worry."

James nodded slightly. "OK. Do you wanna come down to dinner with us?" he asked.

"No thanks. I think I'm just gonna stay here and do some reading" Remus said, sitting down on his bed and grabbing a book. James nodded and quietly left to go meet Sirius and Peter in the Great Hall.

* * *

Sirius smiled at James when he saw him walk in. "Hey mate. Where have you been?" he asked.

"Dorm. Remus was in there. Something's going on with him" James said. Sirius cocked his head slightly to the side, like Padfoot did when he was confused. "What do you mean? He seems fine." Sirius said.

"He hasn't been sleeping in the dorm." James pointed out.

"Because he's been sleeping in Alex's dorm" Peter said quietly. Sirius growled quietly. He had a bad feeling about Alex. He just didn't know why. "No he hasn't. He's been sleeping in the Shrieking Shack." James said. Sirius and Peter looked at each other. OK that seemed a little weird. "And he has new scars on his wrists too. I think he's been hurting himself" James added.

Now that they thought about it, Remus had been acting differently. He was a lot more on edge and he flinched a lot, like he was scared of being hit. "Do you think someone's been hurting him?" Peter asked, voicing Sirius' concerns. His stomach dropped when James nodded. "I just don't know who. How can we find out?" James asked. 

Sirius thought. "You guys keep an eye on the map when Remus isn't with us and I'll try follow him to see what he's doing" Sirius said. The other boys nodded. "We should get up to the dorm" Peter said and they stood up, quickly leaving the Great Hall and running up to the dorm.

* * *

Remus was sitting on his bed shirtless, looking at his scars and bruises. He quickly looked around for his shirt when he heard the door open but couldn't see it so he just sighed and left it. "Why don't you guys knock? What if I was in here with Alex again?" he asked. He looked up when he got no reply and saw the three of them staring at his scars. He quickly tried to cover them up, feeling embarrassed. "What the hell happened to you? And don't say they're from the full because I know for a fact that these are new. Now tell us the truth. Who did that to you?" James asked. 

"Just a little fight with some Slytherins" Remus said quietly. "That's all. It's really nothing. I promise."

Sirius didn't believe a word Remus said. He swore he'd get to the bottom of this. To keep his best friend safe.


	3. Chapter 3

After about a week or so of following Remus, Sirius decided to give up. He didn't seem to be in any danger; he was always with Alex. He walked into the dorm and laid down on the nearest bed, sighing loudly. James looked up from the Marauders Map. "What's up Pads?" he asked, giving the map to Peter. 

"This is hopeless! I can't find who's hurting Remus. He's always with Alex" Sirius said. Peter looked up and opened his mouth to say something but quickly changed his mind. "Maybe we should just give up?" James suggested. 

Sirius shook his head. He couldn't give up so soon. He needed to make sure Remus was OK. "We need to find who's hurting Remus. He's our friend" Sirius said. "He'd do the same for us."

James sighed and nodded. "Yeah I guess that's true. But how do we find them? He's only ever with Alex" he said, repeating Sirius' earlier statement. Peter looked between the two of them, biting his lip. "Let's forget about this for now and get to practice. We have our game against Ravenclaw tomorrow" Sirius said, looking around for his stuff. He grabbed his stuff, James doing the same, before all three of them left. Peter always watched the two of them practice. He wasn't good enough to be on the team so he supported James and Sirius instead. James and Sirius went into the changing rooms to get ready and Peter went up to sit in the stands.

There were already people in the changing room when Sirius and James went in but they couldn't see them, only hear them, so they had no idea who they were. They both frowned as they listened to their conversation as they got changed. "I don't care if you don't want this. I do. So shut up, stop crying, and prove that you love me you little freak!" one voice said. Then it went quiet; only the sound of running water could be heard. They quickly left, trying to forget what they had just heard. They went over to the shed and grabbed their brooms, wasting no time in starting to fly.

* * *

The two practiced for about two hours, only stopping to have lunch. Luckily it was a Saturday so they had no lessons. They planned to go back to practicing right after they ate. At least, that was their plan until they saw Remus in the Great Hall. His arm was in a sling and he had bruises on his neck from where someone had grabbed him. He also had another black eye and had blood stains on his clothes. The three boys ran over to him, forgetting everything else. "Remus! What the hell happened to you? Are you OK? Who did this to you?" James and Sirius kept asking him different questions at the same time.

"I don't want to talk about it" Remus mumbled, voice hoarse from crying. He was in too much pain to eat so he just sat there, staring at the table. James sat down next to Remus and the other two sat opposite them. "It's OK if you don't want to talk about it now but remember we're here for you if you do ever need to talk" James said softly. Peter hummed n agreement. "Yeah. And we'll kill anyone who hurts you. You're part of our little pack" Sirius joked, trying to lighten the mood a little. He smiled as Remus giggled quietly. "Thanks guys. Anyway, you guys ready to kick Ravenclaw's ass tomorrow?" Remus asked, a little more like himself. 

James and Sirius nodded. "Of course we are! You'll be there to cheer us on right?" Sirius asked. Remus bit his lip nervously. "Yeah of course. But I have to cheer for Alex as well and he's on the opposite team."

"That's OK. He's your boyfriend. Why wouldn't you cheer for him?" James said, starting to eat. Peter was already eating, preferring food over conversation. Remus looked over at the Ravenclaw table and smiled weakly at Alex. Sirius saw this and frowned slightly but brushed it off as nothing and started eating as well.

* * *

Sirius woke up the next morning extremely excited. He couldn't wait until after lunch to play against Ravenclaw. Him and James had planned to practice all morning, with Peter obviously watching and cheering them on. Remus had to go and help Alex get ready, which he didn't seem that happy about but non of them wanted to push it.

Sirius was too excited to even eat breakfast, getting up, taking a quick shower, getting changed and going outside to practice. He was going to practice flying fast before James woke up and then the two of them were gonna have a race. With James being a Chaser and Sirius being a Beater, speed was key for them. More so for James though. Sirius relied more on his strength. Luckily he had been beating up Slytherins for quite a few years so he was the strongest out of the four of them. When it wasn't near the full that was. Remus may have looked small and weak but he could easily tear someone limb from limb. Not just when he was in his wolf form either. 

Soon enough, James joined Sirius outside. Their race didn't last long, James winning easily. "I let you win!" Sirius shouted, flying in circles around James. James just laughed. "Sure you did mate" he said, watching Sirius. "You're like Padfoot chasing his tail." Sirius' eyes widened and James quickly shook his head, immediately knowing what Sirius was thinking. "You are not-" he started before you was interrupted.

"I should play as Padfoot!" Sirius said, like it was the best idea in the world.

"You'd fall off!" James shouted back. "I am not taking you to the Hospital Wing again. Not after last time!" 

Last time they were in the Hospital Wing, Sirius had thought it'd be funny to mix up all of Pomfrey's potions. It did not end well. 

Lunch soon came and went and people started to come out to get a seat. Remus and Peter sat in their usual seats, getting there early again. Remus looked around, trying to spot Alex. He smiled when he found him. Despite all the pain Alex had caused him, Remus still did love him. He couldn't help it. Alex was the only person who could ever love him for what he was so of course he loved him back. He waved slightly at Alex and Alex just looked away, ignoring him completely. He managed to hide the fact that it hurt, keeping a fake smile on his ace as he watched the game. 

Peter cheered loudly next to him every time they scored a goal, extra loudly when James was the one who scored it. Sirius almost got hit a few times but managed to deflect it. All the girls, regardless of what house they were in, cheered for Sirius. Remus could see why. He couldn't deny that his best friend was extremely good looking; both Sirius and James were and they knew it. They spent most of their time in the dorm topless so Remus had plenty of opportunities to stare at the two of them and luckily they never caught him. Remus just wouldn't admit that he had a crush on one of them though. He couldn't. They'd never like him back and they'd hate him. Not to mention Alex would kill hims if he found out.

He tried to shake the thoughts from his head, focusing on the game. He cheered and clapped loudly when James scored, not seeing Alex glaring at him. Sirius waved at him and he rolled his eyes back. Sirius just stuck his tongue out and stuck his middle finger up at him. Remus couldn't help but laugh. He hadn't felt this happy in a very long time.

* * *

Peter and Remus ran down to congratulate Sirius and James when the game was done. Gryffindor had easily beat Ravenclaw, them being the worst house at Quidditch. Alex walked over to them and whispered something in Remus' ear. James and Sirius looked at each other as Remus' eyes widened and his breathing quickened. Alex ignored this and just walked away. Remus sat down on the grass, hyperventilating and Sirius quickly sat down next to him. "Peter, go get a teacher. James, go get him some water. He's having a panic attack" he said. James and Peter quickly went off to do what they were told to and Sirius gently wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulders, trying to comfort him. 

For the first time since second year, Remus let himself cry in front of Sirius. He couldn't help it. He was absolutely terrified. He had no idea what Alex was going to do to him or with him. All he knew was that he wouldn't be gentle. He never was. 

Sirius pulled Remus into a tight hug, whispering softly to him. "It's OK. It's all OK. I'm here for you. I'll help you" he whispered over and over. James and Peter soon came back, McGonagall following behind them. Remus had calmed down a bit by then. Sirius took the water and carefully helped Remus drink it, rubbing his back soothingly. McGonagall carefully crouched down next to Remus. "What happened?" she asked.

"Alex came up and whispered something in his ear. After he left, Remus just started hyperventilating." Sirius said. McGonagall nodded. "Do you want to tell me what he said?" she asked softly, nodding slightly as Remus shook his head. "OK. Well just stay here until he's calmed down. I'll go get get Pomfrey to bring out a potion that will hopefully help calm him." she said before getting up and walking away.

Remus sighed in relief when she left. "I-I can't stay here. I have to go somewhere" he said, starting to get up. 

"Where do you have to go?" Peter asked. "We can take you." The other two nodded. Remus sighed and shook his head. "I have to go alone" he said before leaving, shaking a little. He was extremely nervous to go see Alex but he had to.

* * *

He finally found Alex in an abandoned classroom, biting his lip nervously. "A-Alex?" he asked quietly. Alex growled. "Shut the fuck up. How dare you cheer for Gryffindor? I'm your boyfriend. You should have been cheering for me. I don't care if Gryffindor is your house and you were just cheering for your friends. I'm more important than them aren't I? Aren't I?!" he shouted. Remus nodded, trying to move away from Alex. "Don't try and run from me. You deserve to be punished. And that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Remus' screams echoed through the halls and people started running in the direction that they came from to see what was going on.

* * *

A first year Hufflepuff ran up to the three Marauders. "R-Remus Lupin got beaten up. Really badly. He's in the Hospital Wing but he's unconscious. Someone heard Pomfrey say he might be in a coma" she said quickly, clearly shaken by what she had seen.

The three Marauders were speechless. James and Peter quickly ran off to the Hospital Wing but Sirius stayed back. "Do you know who did this?" he asked desperately.

The girl nodded. "Alex Brown in Ravenclaw." she said. Sirius went white and his stomach dropped. He felt ill.

"Oh shit..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be posting two chapters tomorrow because I don't wanna have to keep you guys waiting on an update. I'm so glad so many people are reading this. I honestly didn't think anyone would, let alone like it so thank you!

Sirius sprinted to the Hospital Wing. He had never run that fast in his life. He didn't care about the people he bumped into or the teachers yelling at him to slow down. Only one thing mattered to Sirius at that moment. Remus. The other boys name repeated itself like a mantra in Sirius' mind. If only he had paid more attention to the signs. If only he had followed Remus. If only he had done anything differently, Remus wouldn't be in the Hospital Wing right now. He'd be safe. That's all Sirius wanted right now. For his best friend to be safe.

He soon made it to the Hospital Wing and ran in, running over to the bed Remus was in. He didn't care about the noise he was making or the other patients. He pushed Peter out of the way and fell to his knees next to Remus' bed, gently taking his hand. "I'm going to kill that bastard! How dare he hurt you?!" Sirius growled angrily. James ' eyes widened. "You know who did this?" he asked.

Sirius nodded and sighed. "Alex Brown. Remus' own fucking boyfriend! I should've known there was something off with his. He's going to pay for what he did. I'm gonna make sure of that."

James looked down at Remus and sighed softly. "He didn't deserve this. Not one bit." Peter bit his lip nervously. "How long do you think this has been going on?" he asked quietly. "I mean, they have been dating for over a year."

The other two boys didn't want to think about how long Alex had been abusing Remus for. He suddenly thought of something and got up. "Where are you going?" James asked. Sirius looked down at Remus' wrists. "He's been hurting himself. Maybe he wrote a suicide note. It might have more information about what was happening to him" he said before running up to the dorm. 

James and Peter stayed with Remus to make sure he was OK. They didn't even want to think about what would happen if they left and Alex came back. They just sat there in silence, unsure what to say in this situation. They heard Pomfrey talking to McGonagall about Remus' state but didn't take any of it in. They were in too much shock. They didn't know what they'd do if they lost Remus. He was their best friend, their brother, maybe even more to one of them. 

* * *

Sirius eventually came back with a note and book in his hand. "I found his diary and the suicide note. I haven't really read them yet though" he said. James nodded. "Peter, you stay here with Remus. Me and Sirius are gonna go to the library to read these." James said, getting up. They quickly left and went to the library, sitting down at Remus' favourite table. They looked at the suicide note first but it wasn't finished so it didn't give them any information. They decided to check the diary next and what they found was horrible. Everything that Alex did was written in there, ink smudged slightly from Remus' tears. There were drops of blood on some pages and James shivered slightly. 

"This is horrible" he whispered. "How could anyone do that to someone, let alone their own boyfriend?"

"It's pretty clear that Alex never thought of Remus as his boyfriend. Remus was just a toy to him. I'm gonna fucking kill him, I swear to Merlin. Nobody hurts our friend like that." Sirius growled as James turned the page. He cleared his throat and looked at Sirius. "Um mate? I think you're gonna wanna see this."

Sirius looked at the page, a little confused. His eyes widened when he realized what James meant. "Oh my Merlin... Remus likes me!"

* * *

Back in the Hospital Wing, Pomfrey had told Peter that even after Remus came out of his coma, he'd still have to stay in the Hospital Wing for around a week after. Peter had told them that Alex had did it and that information was being passed on to Dumbledore. 

James and Sirius came running back into the Hospital Wing. "This situation is so much worse than we thought!" Sirius said. Peter looked a little confused.

"Alex has been raping Remus, abusing him, threatening to kill him and so much more" James explained. Peter looked at Sirius and Sirius nodded. "Well we have to tell Dumbledore! He deserves to go to Azkaban!" Peter said, looking between the two boys. They just sighed. "Nothing would happen. Those laws are only for 'humans'. And because werewolves aren't considered humans, there's more chance of Remus getting into trouble than Alex." James said.

"That's bullshit!" Peter said. "He's just as human as the rest of us!" Sirius and James nodded. "I know. Just the stupid Ministry. What's even worse is that Remus' dad tried to pass laws against werewolves" Sirius pointed out.

James looked up at the clock. "We should probably go to dinner" he said, getting up. Peter followed him but Sirius stayed put. "You coming Padfoot?" James asked. Sirius shook his head and sat down on the chair next to Remus' bed. "I'm gonna stay here with him."

James nodded before he and Peter left. Sirius sighed softly and gently held Remus' hand in one hand, gently stroking his hair and cheek with the other.

"I like you too... Please be OK..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the last chapter was so short! Hopefully these two chapters in one day will make up for it!

The three Marauders were by Remus' side as much as possible, reading to him, telling him about their ideas for pranks and telling him that everything was going to be OK. He may have been unconscious but the other boys felt better being able to talk to him like normal. They tried their hardest to pay attention in lessons and write notes for Remus but they couldn't stop thinking about what Alex could have done to him. James and Sirius didn't speak about what they had found in Remus' diary, thinking it would be better for Sirius and Remus to have that conversation first. 

Luckily, Alex no longer attended Hogwarts. James' parents and Dumbledore had made sure of that. But the memories of him would be stuck with them forever, especially Remus. It was going to take a long time for him to heal but the three boys and Lily all swore they'd help him every step of the way. James was extremely happy with all the extra time they spent with Lily, though he wish it had been under better circumstances. 

"I knew something was wrong. He was acting so different. If I had talked to him about it, this wouldn't have happened!" Lily said, on the verge of tears. James gently rubbed her back. "It's not your fault. We all keep thinking all these different 'what if' scenarios but we can't change what happened. We need to help Remus get better. That's the most important thing right now" James said softly. 

Peter nodded but Sirius wasn't paying attention, too focused on Remus. He carefully moved him into a more comfortable position, sitting down on the bed next to him and playing with his hair. "I hate myself for letting this happen to him. What if he never wakes up? I'll never be able to tel him how I feel!" Sirius said, not looking away from Remus' face. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed slowly, chest rising and falling steadily. Though he looked like he was in pain every time he took a breath.

"You really love him, huh?" Lily asked softly. It took everything Sirius had not to burst into tears as he nodded. "Yeah... More than he'll ever know." he said softly. He quickly jumped away from the bed as Remus groaned slightly and moved his head a little. "Please tell me you saw that!" Sirius said. The other three nodded, watching Remus to see if he'd move again. It had been about a month or so since the whole incident and Remus was slowly starting to get better. Pomfrey said that with the rate he's healing at, he should be fully awake by the end of the month. It was only the second though so they still had quite a while to wait. 

Apart from the rising and falling of his chest and the occasional groans and head movements, he seemed completely dead. He was almost as pale as the house ghosts and extremely weak. He had to be fed through tubes which they all hated seeing. He didn't look like Remus. He looked like a porcelain doll that'd break the second you touched it. Which was why Sirius was extremely careful when he held Remus' hand; he didn't want to hurt him but he also didn't want to break him. More than he already was, that is. But Sirius had decided that no matter how broken Remus was, he'd spend all his time and energy putting him back together and making him feel loved. It was the least he could do.

* * *

After a few more weeks of constantly sitting by Remus' bed and holding his hand, Remus seemed to become more aware and started holding his hand back. His eyes were always closed though. Sirius couldn't help but smile every time Remus held his hand. He just wished Remus knew how happy he was making him.

James and Peter couldn't deny the fact that Sirius seemed a million times happier since finding out Remus liked him. Though he never said anything about liking him back which worried James. He eventually brought it up with Sirius. "You better not be using Remus' crush on you as some sort of ego boost. He clearly cares about you a lot and if you don't care about him in the same way, then stop acting like this with him" James said.

"Of course I care about him in the same way. Who couldn't? He's perfect" Sirius said softly. "Once he's better and over than jerk, I'm gonna ask him out."

James smiled and nodded. "Good. I'm happy for you. Just please don't pressure him into doing anything" James said. Sirius shook his head. "Of course I won't. I'll take good care of him James, I promise."

* * *

A few days later, Sirius started seeing someone else visiting Remus. He just couldn't tell who it was as he always saw them from a distance. He borrowed James' Invisibility Cloak to try and get a better look at this mystery person.

He followed the person in under the cloak and followed him over to Remus. He quietly moved over to the other side of the bed so he could get a good look and he almost gave himself away. Why was Severus Snape visiting Remus? He moved closer to try an hear what Snape was saying. "They haven't even tried to prank me since you've been in here" he said with a sad smile. He sighed quietly. "I should probably go. I don't want them to catch me in here. They'd probably kill me." He got up and looked around before quickly leaving. 

Sirius took the cloak off and sat down where Snape had been sitting. He once again took Remus' hand in his own, this time leaning down to gently kiss his forehead. When he looked back at Remus, he saw that he had his eyes open and was looking straight up at Sirius with a small smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might actually be able to get three chapters up today.

"Oh my Merlin! You're awake!" Sirius said. He quickly looked around. "Pomfrey! He's awake!" Pomfrey quickly came over and started checking Remus over and asking him questions. Remus looked up at Pomfrey, not saying anything. Pomfrey nodded slightly. "OK you just rest. I'll come and ask you some questions later" she said before walking away. 

James and Peter soon walked over. Sirius turned to look at them. "He's awake!" he said, pointing at Remus. James and Peter's eyes widened and they quickly looked at Remus, smiling widely when they saw he wasn't lying. "Has he said anything?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head. "No he's just laid there, looking around. I don't think he's taking anything in though. And his eyes are really dull. He hasn't looked at me since he opened his eyes." he said. James frowned slightly, watching Peter whispered something to Remus about his favourite chocolate.

"Do you think he could've hit his head or something? And that's why he's not taking anything in?" James asked. Sirius bit his lip nervously. "I hope not." he said. He quickly looked over at Remus when he heard something. "Alex?" Remus asked quietly, looking around. 

Sirius' heart broke slightly. "Moony... Alex isn't here. He's gone. He doesn't go to Hogwarts anymore" he said, not really sure how Remus would react. Remus looked up at Sirius and smiled a little. "Pads..." he whispered. Sirius nodded and squeezed Remus' hand gently. "I'm right here Moony. And I'm not gonna leave any time soon."

Remus closed his eyes and fell back to sleep, a small smile on his face. He was still holding Sirius' hand and Sirius didn't let go.

* * *

By the end of the week, Remus was talking in almost full sentences. He still mixed up his words a little but the others always understood what he meant. He didn't ask about Alex again, just happy that he was gone. He still didn't eat properly though but that didn't matter to them. Remus was getting better! Sirius could hardly contain his happiness. Remus was his whole world at the moment. Nothing else mattered. He still hadn't worked up the courage to tell Remus how he felt but he wasn't too worried about that. He had all the time in the world to tell him.

At least, that's what he thought.

* * *

Remus slowly stopped talking again, going into a stare whenever he woke up. They all started to get worried about him and tried to snap him out of it but nothing worked. Everything they tried just scared him so they stopped. 

Instead they would just talk to him and tell him about their day. It didn't matter that he couldn't reply; the small smile on his lips showed that he was listening to everything they said. Though they did miss his sarcastic comments and snarky replies, especially Sirius. It was safe to say that Sirius was completely, head-over-heels in love with the boy. He just hoped Remus loved him back.

* * *

One day, Pomfrey wouldn't let anyone into the Hospital Wing. The three Marauders and Lily had to wait outside. They had no idea what was going on but they could hear Remus shouting. Sirius paced up and down the hall, too nervous to stay still. "Do you think he's in pain? I hope he's OK. What do you think is happening?" he asked, not waiting for answers before asking more questions.

"Sirius please calm down. We're all nervous but that won't help anyone, will it?" Lily asked, gently resting her hand on his shoulder. Sirius nodded and sat down, trying to stay calm.

Pomfrey eventually came out again. "OK you can see him but please be quiet. Alex and his parents were just here and it seems Alex must have done something to Remus while his parents were in Dumbledore's office. He's in a worse state than he was originally and will take a lot longer to heal. I have given him some potions and he's currently asleep." she said.

Sirius' eyes widened and he ran in, going straight over to Remus. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he saw the boy he loved. It was absolutely horrible. He didn't trust himself to hold Remus' hand, scared he'd hurt him. He heard Lily gasp but he didn't look away from the pale body in front of him. None of this seemed real to Sirius. He wished it was a nightmare, that he'd wake up any second with Remus safe and in his arms.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since the second attack and Remus was in a more stable condition. Sirius had been taking out his anger on Slytherins and had managed to get an impressive amount of detentions during those few weeks. Even James had stopped pranking the Slytherins, too focused on the fourth Marauder. The werewolf had been getting lots of visitors everyday, them leaving flowers or chocolates or sweets or sometimes a book for him to read. Hogwarts just wasn't the same without all four Marauders pulling pranks together and making lessons a million times more fun.

Though she'd rather die than admit it, even McGonagall was missing their pranks. The four boys never failed to make anyone laugh or smile. Apart from the Slytherins obviously. Though even some of the Slytherins enjoyed their pranks. They enjoyed pranking them back even more of course.

The whole school seemed depressed. The only people who seemed the same were Dumbledore and Filch. Lessons went on as usual except Sirius and James actually paid attention. Only for Remus though. They knew Remus would kill them if he missed even a single lesson. If he ever got better than was.

* * *

After a few months, Remus had started opening his eyes again. He didn't take anything in but Sirius was just happy he could look into Remus' eyes again. He wished Remus knew what was going on though. 

Once he was sure he wouldn't hurt Remus, he started holding his hand again which made him happier than he'd been in a long time. He spent many hours playing with Remus' hair, staring into his eyes and holding his hand. He knew how sappy he seemed but he honestly couldn't care less. He was happy with Remus, though he wasn't actually _with_ Remus. He was happy to be able to spend time with him.

Sirius talked to Remus every day, whispering to him about Merlin knows what. "I really love you Remus. I just wish I could tell if you loved me back" he said, looking away.

He quickly looked back when he felt Remus squeeze his hand in answer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might start writing another fanfic while still writing this one. It would be a texting fic so quite different to this one. Also, sorry for not posting a chapter yesterday. I just had no motivation to write.

Sirius smiled widely, squeezing Remus' hand gently. "You love me?" he asked softly, feeling like his heart was going to explode from happiness when Remus squeezed his hand again. "I love you too Remus. I really do..."

* * *

After a week, Remus started properly taking stuff in when he looked around, smiling whenever he saw Sirius.

He still couldn't really say anything but he had started calling Sirius 'Siri'. He started shouting Siri whenever he saw Sirius walk into the Hospital Wing. So Sirius called him 'Re' in return. He spent a lot of time trying to get Remus to talk but it didn't work

Soon Remus started eating normally again but would only eat if Sirius fed him. If he was perfectly honest, Sirius found this a little weird but didn't really mind much. He would sit in the Hospital Wing for hours, talking to Remus and sharing chocolate with him. 

Remus would get too excited very easily so he was only allowed one visitor at a time, though it was mostly Sirius. Peter visited to drop off food, James visited to just talk to Remus and Lily visited to read to him. Sirius however, did pretty much everything for Remus. He was the only one who could get him to take his potions every morning and night. Remus' parents came to visit occasionally, talking a lot to Dumbledore and Pomfrey.

* * *

When Sirius walked into the Hospital Wing to find Remus wasn't there, the worst scenarios ran through his mind. What if something really bad had happened? What if Remus had passed away over night? He really didn't want to think about that but it was the only thing in his mind.

He ran into Pomfrey's office. "Where's Remus? Is he OK? Please tell me nothing happened to him!"

Pomfrey smiled sadly. "Remus' parents have had Remus moved to a Muggle hospital. He won't be back in school for a few months." she said softly.

Sirius felt like his heart had broken. "A few months? No he needs me! I need to be there with him!" he said. "What hospital is he in?"

"I can't tell you that dear" Pomfrey said. "Now you should probably head to breakfast. I'll make sure to give you updates everyday, OK?" Sirius sighed and nodded, knowing there was no point in arguing. He quickly left to go and find James.

* * *

"Remus is gone" he said when he found them. James, Peter and Lily looked at him weirdly. "What do you mean?" Lily asked. 

"Remus isn't in the Hospital Wing! He's been sent so some Muggle hospital." Sirius said. Lily gasped. "Why?!" James asked. Sirius just sighed and shrugged.

Lilly looked down at the floor. "I wish we could help him some how" she said softly, thinking. But she couldn't come up with anything. "Come on... let's just go to our lessons..."

* * *

Sirius didn't know what to do without Remus there. They were all missing the fourth Marauder.

There was a rumor going around school that Remus had died and the other Marauder (and Lily of course) were too stressed to dismiss it. So now the whole school thought Remus was dead. On the plus side (sort of), that meant that girls felt so sorry for them, they even asked Peter out. Sirius didn't want any girl though. He just wanted Remus. He loved Remus with all his heart and Remus loved him back.

He so hoped he'd be able to see Remus again. He'd probably die if he couldn't. He was sure they all felt the same. Remus was so important to all of them.

* * *

Sirius had made sure he was up to date with all his homework before going to see McGonagall. "I want to see Remus" he said when he found her. She just sighed. "Mr Black, this is the fifth time this week you've said that to me and it's only Monday! You cannot see Mr Lupin until he his parents say that the Muggle doctors are allowing visitors. End of discussion." she said before walking away.

Sirius sighed. He was going to go see Remus one way or another. Nothing could stop him from seeing the boy, especially not now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for so long! A lot has been happening and then my laptop broke. I'll try and update more often but since it's around Christmas, it may only be once or twice a week.

"You don't even know what hospital he's in" James said when Sirius told them his plan. "It'll be impossible to find him! Muggles have lots of different types of hospitals as well."

Sirius sighed. "I don't care! He's our best friend and we need to make sure he's OK."

Lily thought for a bit. Being the only one with any actual knowledge of the Muggle world, Sirius thought she could be very helpful. "I don't think you'd be able to go visit him. But you could send a letter to his parents and they could give it to Remus." she said after a few minutes. Sirius just groaned. "You guys are no help at all."

"What would Remus want you to do in this situation?" Lily asked. "He wouldn't want you to get into trouble because of him."

"I don't care what Remus would want me to do!" Sirius lied. He couldn't bear the idea of not seeing him in so long.

James patted Sirius on the back and sighed softly. "We'll get to see him soon. You just need to be patient. At least now you have some time to think about what you're gonna say to him when you can see him."

* * *

A couple of months passed before they were given a proper update on Remus' state. He was going to be moved back into Hogwarts but would have to stay in the hospital wing for another week before being allowed to start sleeping in the dorms again.

Sirius felt like he was going to explode from happiness when he heard that news. That meant Remus was stable enough for visitors and he'd finally get to see the boy he loved again. He didn't know exactly how stable Remus' condition was though and that's what worried him.

He went to see Remus the minutes he was told he was back in the hospital wing. He ran over to the bed that Remus was sat in, a huge smile on his face. "Remus?" he asked softly, hoping the other boy would remember him

"Siri!" Remus said, looking at Sirius with a smile. Sirius laughed softly. "I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you so much Remus"

Remus reached out to hold Sirius' hand, squeezing it gently. He smiled more as Sirius gently kissed the back of his hand.

Soon enough, James, Peter and Lily joined them, all three of them trying to talk to Remus at the same time. 

Remus started to get overwhelmed and tried to hide, tears filling his eyes. Sirius noticed this and glared at the other three. "One person talking at a time. You're making him overwhelmed!"

Lily gently patted Remus on the back. "I'm sorry Rem. We're just all excited to see you. We've all missed you, especially Sirius. He wouldn't shut up about you the whole time you were gone."

Sirius turned a little red. "That's not true! I didn't talk about him that much!" he said defensively. James chuckled. "Yeah right. All we heard was 'Remus this' and 'Remus that'. You're very lucky I didn't punch you to shut you up."

"You wouldn't have punched me. You love me too much!" Sirius smiled at James, wrapping his arm around the other boy's shoulder.

"Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night mate." James laughed as Sirius playfully punched his shoulder. "Oh fuck off Prongs!"

Remus smiled at the pair. He was so happy he was finally with them again. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad people have been enjoying this so far!! I might rewrite it in the future when I'm more confident with my writing but I'm proud of how this is turning out for my first proper fanfic

The week quickly passed and it became clear how much Remus had actually recovered. Sirius couldn't visit him much because of all the detentions he had gotten but James, Peter and Lily would check on him everyday. When none of the trio were with him, someone else would sit next to him and talk to him. 

Severus Snape knew exactly what James and Sirius would do if they caught him in the hospital wing with Remus but he didn't care. He enjoyed sitting with the Gryffindor and Remus seemingly enjoyed it too.

Remus' eyes always lit up whenever he saw Sirius or Snape, almost like he couldn't tell the difference between the two. Sirius didn't know this though and it didn't really seem to bother Snape. It just meant Remus felt safer with him.

He had no idea why he enjoyed Remus' company so much. It was Lily he liked. He wasn't gay! He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and focused on reading to Remus.

Remus closed his eyes to listen, sighing happily. Snape just continued to read, trying his hardest not to just stop and watch how the sunlight danced over Remus' features. He gently reached out and rested his hand on top of Remus'. Remus didn't move his hand and Snape smiled slightly.

* * *

Remus was soon back in the dorm and everything seemed a lot more normal. Sirius would still help Remus with everything since he was still a little incapable of properly functioning by himself. 

Sirius noticed that Remus seemed a lot more comfortable back in the dorm and he seemed a lot more like his old self. The snarky comments and sarcastic replies that they had all so dearly missed were finally back.

Despite Remus' recovery, he still refused to leave the dorm except from to talk to a teacher. Sirius and James tried everything they could to get him out but nothing worked.

"Come on Moony. Me and Pads are gonna prank the Slytherins but we need your help" James said, trying to convince the other boy to join them. Remus shook his head and picked up his book. "I'm staying here thank you very much. Though it would be funny to see everyone's face when they see me. From what you three have told me, everyone thinks I'm dead" Remus replied with a small laugh.

Peter laughed as well. "Yeah and it's been good for us! The girls have been giving us all so much attention. Especially Sirius" he said, not noticing Sirius' glare.

Remus' grip tightened on his book and he growled under his breath. "Good for you guys. I'm guessing you've got a hot girlfriend now Padfoot?" Remus asked, putting on a fake smiled. Sirius chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Not exactly. See, there's someone else I've got my eye on."

This didn't make Remus feel any better. "Well why don't you ask her out? She'll obviously say yes. Anyone would be stupid not to."

Sirius smirked slightly. "Is that so Rem? Anyway, do you have your eye on anyone?" He frowned when Remus shook his head.

"No. And even if I did, I wouldn't ask them out. I'm not ready for another relationship. Not after what happened in my last one." Remus turned back to his book and tried to ignore the others.

James sat down next to Remus. "What ya reading?" he asked, resting his head on the werewolf's shoulder. Sirius quickly did the same on Remus' other side. Remus sighed and closed his book. "What do you two want? I'm not leaving the dorm and that is that."

"Youre so boring Moony!" James whined. "But fine. We'll all stay here. Just for you."

Remus smiled a little. "Thank you. Now can you two get your fat arses off my bed?"

Sirius pouted. "Shut up! You love my arse really" he said, smirking when he saw Remus blush and look away. "You aren't denying it!" he said in a sing-song voice.

Remus shoved him playfully. "Fuck off Padfoot." Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus and Remus rolled his eyes. "Child."

"Nerd" Sirius retorted.

"Wanker."

"You're a wanker too."

"Not nearly as much as you are" Remus pointed out.

James watched the two boys argue and smiled. Everything was finally back to normal.

Right?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna start writing another fanfic at the same time as this one so updates may be slow

As much as the other boys asked, Remus refused to tell them anything about what Alexander had done to him. "Please don't make me tell you. It hurts to think about it. Please don't make me relive it" he has pleaded on one especially bad night.

Since then they had all been extremely over protective of Remus. Remus found it comforting but also a little suffocating. "James please, I don't need your help getting changed. Yes I'm in pain but I can handle it!" Remus said gently. "Please don't worry about me."

Despite Remus being okay physically, his mental health was worse than ever. He was up almost every night, scratching at his arms and screaming while he cried. He always used a silencing spell to make sure the others never heard and luckily it worked. 

* * *

Sirius could tell there was something up with Remus. He always looked tired, he hardly ate and he was always writing in this little notebook. Sirius kept trying to take a look at what he was writing but Remus would never go anywhere without it and would always hide it whenever Sirius got near.

Sirius woke up in the middle of the night to the bathroom door slamming shut. He heard it lock and quickly got up, walking over to the door. He knocked gently, trying not to wake the others. "Hello?" No answer. "Moony? Is that you in there?" Still no answer.

He kept knocking until the door opened. Remus stood there, eyes red and puffy from crying and sleeves pulled down as far as they woul go. 

"Moony what's wrong?" Sirius asked, gently guiding Remus over to his bed and helping him sit down. Remus mumbled something Sirius didn't hear. "Sorry what was that?"

"Just had a nightmare. It's nothing" the werewolf said, avoiding Sirius' gaze. He knew that if he looked Sirius in the eye, he'd crumble and tell him everything. He couldn't do that. He had to keep this to himself.

Sirius didn't believe him but he nodded anyway, not wanting to push it. "I'm here for you if you need me, okay?"

Remus just nodded, trying to get this over with as fast as possible. He felt weird being around Sirius now that he had properly come to terms with his feelings for him. So when Sirius asked "Do you wanna cuddle for a bit?" Remus couldn't stop himself from nodding and burying his face in the older boy's shoulder.

Sirius smiled softly and gently wrapped his arms around Remus, careful not to hurt him. He gently kissed the top of Remus' head when he felt the werewolf starting to cry. "It's okay Moony... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you. It's okay. It's all okay" he whispered over and over again, wanting nothing more than to comfort the crying boy.

When Remus' cries eventually stopped, Sirius heard Remus snore a little and he smiled. He carefully laid down and pulled the cover over them both, still holding Remus close.

"I love you so much Moony" he whispered before falling asleep as well, dreaming about the boy in his arms.

* * *

Sirius woke up to James jumping on them. He groaned softly and closed his eyes again when he heard Remus wince. He quickly looked over at the other boy and saw tears in his eyes. Sirius glared at James and pushed him away. "Careful Prongs! You hurt Moony!"

"Shit sorry Remus. I didn't know you were there as well" James said before turning to Sirius. "Speaking of, why are you two sharing a bed."

Remus just looked down, clearly not wanting to answer. "Rem had a bad night and he fell asleep while I was comforting him. I didn't wanna move him back to his own bed in case it happened again" Sirius explained easily, gently rubbing Remus' back. "Are you okay Moony?"

"Did you touch me?" Remus asked. Sirius frowned, a little taken back by the question. "What do you mean Remus?" Sirius asked.

"Did you touch me?" Remus repeated.

"I cuddled you if that's what you meant" Sirius said. Remus sighed and shook his head. "While I was asleep. Did you touch me while I was sleeping?"

Sirius and James looked at each other, both sharing the same confused look. Sirius turned back to Remus. "No of course not. I fell asleep right after I laid you down. I promise I didn't do anything without your permission."

James looked at Remus worriedly. "What brought this on mate? You usually trust Sirius with your life. Is this because of Alex?" he asked. When Remus nodded, James gently patted him on the back. "I promise nothing like that is ever gonna happen to you again, okay?"

"Is it okay if I go take a shower?" Remus asked. He quickly got up and walked into the bathroom when the other two nodded, locking the door behind him.

"Fucking hell Sirius! You idiot! Why would you sleep with Remus so soon after what happened?" James asked, hitting Sirius round the head.

"First of all, ow! Second of all, you're making it sound like I used him. I love him James. I'd never touch him without his permission. I asked him if he wanted to cuddle and he nodded. When he fell asleep in my arms, I didn't have the heart to move him. Plus I didn't think he'd want to be alone then."

James sighed and nodded." Okay I understand that but please be careful. I know what you can get like sometimes." Sirius opened his mouth to argue but James quickly continued." I know you're never going to do what Alex did. I believe that. But Remus might not. He's fragile at the moment. We need to focus on helping him get better. Then you can tell him how you feel. Don't make him feel pressured into being with you, even if he does like you back."

"Since when did you get so smart Prongsy?" Sirius asked with a small laugh. He sighed softly. "I know. It hurts to see him like this. I just wanna hold him close and tell him I love him and reassure him that it's all gonna be okay. I'm head over heels in love with that boy James. Merlin it hurts so much to see him so hurt. I'm terrified he's gonna get worse."

James nodded and pulled Sirius into a hug. "I know mate but all we can do now is just support him and remind him that we're there for him."

Sirius hugged him back and smiled slightly. He could do that. He would do anything to help Remus. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably won't update tomorrow for obvious reasons. Hope everyone has a great Christmas!!

James was extremely worried about Remus. He kept to himself far more often, always wore long sleeves and looked like he had been crying all night.

He kept trying to talk to Remus alone but he never got a chance. Sirius was glued to Remus' side, making sure the werewolf didn't leave his sight for even a second.

"Hey Moony, can I talk to you?" James asked. Remus nodded and stood up from where he was sat on his bed. Sirius stood up as well, frowning slightly when James shook his head. "I need to talk to Remus in private."

Sirius sighed but nodded, leaving the dorm. 

James sat down on his bed, patting the spot next to him. "What's going on? I know something's wrong and I wanna help you."

"Nothing is wrong Prongs. I'm just stressed out. That's all" Remus said, giving James a fake smile. Despite not paying attention in lessons, James wasn't stupid and saw right through Remus' smile. "Moony, please. I hate seeing you like this. Please talk to me if you need to. I'm always here for you."

Remus nodded and looked away. He quickly stood up and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Lately, Remus had been locking himself in the bathroom a lot. Every time he came out, he always seemed weaker and paler than before. 

While waiting for Remus to come out, Sirius walked back into the dorm. "Is everything okay?"

The nod James gave didn't convince Sirius and he sighed. "I'm so fucking worried. I love him so much! I hate seeing him like this. I want to help him. Why won't he tell us what's wrong?"

"Maybe he doesn't know how to. Or maybe he's worried about how we'll react" James suggested. "Just give him some time mate. He'll tell us soon."

Sirius nodded slightly, running a hand through his hair. "I really hope you're right..."

* * *

Remus stayed in the bathroom a lot longer than usual, finally coming out when the sun started to set. 

Sirius quickly ran over to him. "Moony, is everything okay? You were in there for ages" he said, pulling the other boy into a hug. Remus winced and pushed Sirius away. "Don't touch me."

The hurt Sirius felt from the way Remus acted was clear on his face and Remus sighed softly. "Sorry. It just hurt. And I'm not really in the mood to be hugged."

James and Peter watched silently, unsure of what to say or do. Eventually, James spoke up. "Remus, sit down. Take your shirt off."

"What?!" Remus asked loudly. "No fucking way! Why do people keep wanting to fucking touch me? Just leave me alone!"

Tears filled Remus' eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. "Moony, that's not what I meant. I'm not gonna touch you. I just need to check something" James tried to explain calmly.

That just made Remus get more worked up, starting to shake. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he yelled at the other three. "No! Leave me alone! Haven't I gone through enough? Please don't do that to me. I'm begging you."

All Sirius wanted was to hug Remus. It was killing him to see the boy he loved like that. He couldn't stop himself and ran over to Remus, hugging him tightly. 

None of them had ever heard Remus scream that loudly or punch anyone that hard. Sirius reeled back, falling onto the bed. Remus backed away from the other three. 

"Please don't touch me. Please don't make me do that. I'm begging you. Don't rape me. Please" Remus cried, covering his face with his hands.

Nothing any of the boys said would calm Remus down and convince him he wasn't gonna be touched. They all looked at each other in defeat. "What do we do?" Peter asked.

James sighed. "I don't think there's anything we can do. We just need to give him space. Merlin we really fucked up!"

Sirius didn't say anything, rubbing his face where Remus had punched him. His eyes were glued to Remus. He was so terrified for the other boy. He needed him to be okay.

"Sirius?" James asked, snapping Sirius out of his thoughts. "Did you hear anything we said?" He sighed when Sirius shook his head. "Keep an eye on Remus. Me and Peter are going to go get McGonagall."

The two boys quickly left and Sirius stayed there with Remus. Slowly but surely, Remus calmed down, sitting on the floor and sniffling softly. 

"Rem?" Sirius asked quietly. "I'm so sorry I hugged you. I completely forgot. I just wanted to make you feel better."

Silence filled the room as the two boys waited for James and Peter to get back. 

Eventually the door opened and James stood there with McGonagall, Peter behind them.

"Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew have explained the situation to me" McGonagall said to Sirius before turning to Remus. "Remus, do you want to speak to me in my office?"

She smiled softly when Remus nodded. "Come on then. Don't worry everything will be fine." Sirius wasn't sure who the last person was aimed at but he nodded anyway.

McGonagall and Remus left, leaving the other three in silence. 

"I have to help him" Sirius said.

"Padfoot. Stop. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Remus will get better at his own pace. We can't pressure him."

Sirius sighed. "I know that! But I need to comfort him I-" "-hate seeing him like that. I know I know" James said. "He's talking to McGonagall now so that's good, right? He's trying to get better."

Silence fell over them again until Peter spoke up. "Do you... Do you think Moony's b-been hurting himself?" he asked quietly.

Both James and Sirius' eyes widened and they ran into the bathroom, looking for anything sharp. There was a rusted blade in the bin and James found a small tub of blades.

"Shit..."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a couple days! A lot has been going on and I've been trying to come up with ideas for the fic I'm starting to write at the same time. Sorry this chapter is so short but I hope you enjoy it!

James and Sirius paced the dorm anxiously, waiting for Remus to return. They were extremely worried about him. They knew the other boy had been hurting himself and they needed to know why. 

Seeing Remus in so much pain hurt all three Marauders so much. They all cared about the werewolf and they knew he cared about them.

Hours passed before Remus finally returned, sleeves rolled up and bandages covering his arms. 

"Remus are you okay?" James asked, rushing to Remus' side. "What's with the bandages?" He already knew why Remus had the bandages but he didn't want Remus to know that.

"I just had to see Pomfrey about something. It's nothing. Is everything okay?" Remus asked, noticing the worry on James and Sirius' faces.

The two boys nodded in unison. "Everything's fine Moony. We just needed to talk to you" Sirius said.

Remus sat down on his bed, looking confused. "We know what's going on Remus." James said. "We found the blades in the bathroom. We know you're hurting yourself."

He quickly continued when he noticed Remus start to panic. "We aren't mad. At all. We just want to support you. We've gotten rid of all the blades and Peter ran to the library for us and grabbed us some books so we could try and support you."

The room fell silent as Remus tried to process everything, scratching his arms. James and Sirius looked at each other, the worry clear on their faces.

"Why would you do that for me?" Remus asked eventually. Sirius was quick to answer. "Because we care about you and we love you." He smiled when he saw Remus blush a little at that.

Remus didn't say anything for a while. "You really aren't mad at me?" he asked. The other two shook their heads. "Of course not. You've been through a lot Remus. It's understandable that you've resorted to this. But we're here to help you. That's what friends are for."

The room fell silent again, save from the quiet sobs from Remus. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected them to be so understanding and be so willing to help him.

He wanted to accept their help. He knew he needed it. But he wanted so desperately to try and fix this by himself. He didn't want to be a burden. 

So he eventually shook his head. "I'll be okay. Don't worry about me. But thank you."

James sighed and Sirius frowned. "It's okay to need help Remus. You won't be a burden" James said, knowing exactly what Remus was thinking. Remus hated how well James knew him.

"Honestly guys. I'll be okay. This is just a minor thing. Just a small set back in my recovery" Remus said, hoping he sounded convincing.

One look at the others faces told him that he didn't. "Remus John Lupin let us help you. It's what friends are for. Yes it may be a small set back now but it might grow into a much larger problem. You should try and help yourself before it gets worse." Sirius said.

"Exactly. Listen to Sirius. He's gone through this before. He knows how it feels" James said. Remus sighed and nodded, finally admitting defeat. He was too tired to argue with them. "Okay okay fine. I'll let you guys help me."

Remus' heart almost burst when he saw the wide smile on Sirius' face. Sirius seemed so happy that he was going to try to recover.

Remus sighed softly. He hated lying to them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone!! I'm hopefully gonna be a lot more focused on my writing this year so this fanfic should get finished soon!

Remus didn't know what to do. He knew he needed help. It was obvious. But he didn't want to be a burden. He felt enough like one as it was.

He didn't want the others to know what was going through his mind. They'd hate him. Especially Sirius. 

The crush on Sirius hadn't gone away. It had just grown bigger. He was in love with him. So in love with him it hurt.

It hurt just to be around him. Because he knew his feelings would never be reciprocated.

He needed to escape. 

He needed to get away from everyone.

Especially Sirius. 

He had been staring down at his lap, playing with his hands. The curtains had been pulled around his bed. He looked up when he heard James and Sirius talking. His heightened senses really came in handy sometimes. 

"You don't understand James! I don't like him!" Sirius said. Remus' heart dropped and his eyes pricked with tears. He knew they were talking about him. He kept listening, wanting to know what they were saying.

James sighed. "You're such a liar! Just admit it for fucks sake! You're in love with him! It's so obvious. Even Peter can see it." Peter muttered to himself. "I told you that they liked each other. You're as observant as a rock."

Sirius tried to hide his laugh. "Okay fine! I love him! Is that what you wanted me to say? I'm in love with him. So in love with him that it hurts."

They weren't talking about him. They couldn't be. Why would Sirius Black like him? Let alone be in love with him!

He couldn't stop the tears from falling. He was so stupid for believing that anyone could love him. He didn't deserve love. The other boys continued talking.

"Ask him out!" James said. "He clearly loves you too. Actually, don't. Just tell him how you feel. Don't get into a relationship with him so soon after what happened to him."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I'm not stupid. But you know I'd never hurt him. He's one of my best mates and I love him. Fuck. I'm in love with Remus Lupin."

Remus quickly moved back, almost falling off the bed. Sirius and James heard something moved and looked over at Remus' bed.

"Shit he must have heard!" Sirius groaned. James patted him on the back.

"Then this is the perfect time to tell him. Hey Moony?"

Remus stayed silent for a few moments. "Y-Yeah?" he asked timidly, pulling the curtains back.

James smiled softly at Remus before turning to Sirius. "Okay good luck."

Neither boy looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. "W- How much did you hear?"

"Not a lot. Y-You like me?" Remus asked, finally looking up at Sirius in time to see him nod and blush.

Remus smiled. "You like me. Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm Sirius" Sirius said with a smirk, looking up at Remus.

They both smiled at each other before Sirius looked away, rubbing his neck nervously. "You don't like me back, do you? That's okay. I didn't expect you-"

"I've liked you since 2nd year" Remus cut Sirius off. "But I can't be in a relationship. I'm sorry."

Sirius looked at Remus and nodded. "I understand! I wasn't going to ask you out. I know you aren't ready. And I respect that. You need time to heal. Don't worry."

Peter looked between the two boys and when nobody said anything he sighed. "So you guys like each other but aren't gonna be together? Sounds kinda stupid if you ask me."

James glared at Peter. "Remus isn't ready for a relationship. And Sirius respects that. Remus has been through a lot and needs to take things at his own pace."

All three boys looked at Peter when he sighed again. "Yeah I know Remus was raped. But it's not that big a deal, right? I mean it just showed someone wanted him."

Sirius growled and stood up, James trying to hold him back. "Okay listen here you dick. It is a big deal! Remus didn't want it! He didn't deserve it! Now you shut your mouth or I'm gonna fucking punch you!"

Remus looked down, shaking a little. James let go of Sirius so he could run over to Remus and sit with him. The older boy whispered to the werewolf, trying to keep him calm which James tried to talk some sense into Peter.

"But he's right. I deserved it. He loved me. He wanted me. And I tried to refuse him that. And I got him into so much trouble. I'm a horrible person..." Remus said quietly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

He hated himself for what he had done. Peter was right.

Sirius glared at Peter before turning back to Remus. "You didn't deserve it. Believe me. Wormtail's just being a dick."

James nodded. "That's right Moony. You didn't deserve that. You aren't a horrible person. Don't worry. He deserved to get into trouble because he's a terrible person. He did so much to you without your consent. He didn't love you. He only wanted you for sex. But you're away from him now."

"Youre gonna be okay Remus. We promise. We're gonna help you."

"R-Really?" Remus asked, wiping his eyes as he tried to stop his tears. Sirius nodded. "Of course Moony. We care about you. You're our best mate. Obviously we're going to help you."

Sirius smiled softly at Remus and put his hand down on the bed in the space in between them. Remus bit his lip nervously before gently resting his hand on top of Sirius'.

He smiled softly at the older boy. He felt like his heart was gonna burst when he saw how happy Sirius looked. Sirius didn't move his hand, letting Remus be in control. 

"Thank you" Remus whispered.

"Anything for you Moony."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while! Everything's been so crazy

Sirius and Remus were inseparable. Nothing could keep them apart. Sirius refused to leave Remus' side and Remus would have a panic attack whenever he found himself without Sirius.

So it was best that they stayed together.

Not that they would've wanted to be apart anyway. They loved each other and never wanted to be away from each other.

Well, Sirius loved Remus. He had made sure to remind him of that as much as possible.

But Remus hadn't said it back and Sirius was started to doubt that Remus actually had feelings for him.

He didn't want Sirius to touch him, he doesn't tell Sirius how he feels, it was like they were strangers. 

They were strangers but also best friends. They knew everything about the other boy and could nearly always tell what the other was thinking.

James and Sirius were practically the same person, brothers and best friends since they had met, but Sirius and Remus had always had a different bond. They were closer than just friends, closer than best friends, closer than brothers. 

Peter, however, was always left out. He wasn't as smart as Remus or as cool as James and Sirius. 

He had always admired James, wanting to be just like him. But he knew he never would be.

Luckily for him, he managed to find a group of people just like himself that actually liked him being around. 

* * *

Remus was sat at the top of the Astronomy Tower, humming softly to himself. The sun was just starting to set. The Forbidden Forest was engulfed in orange from the sun setting behind it and the sky was a dark purple. The school grounds were completely silent, save from the giant squid playing around in the Black Lake and Remus' own humming. He felt at peace.

There was nothing there to bother him. 

Until the door slammed open and Sirius ran over to Remus, beaming down at him. 

"Moony! There you are! I missed you" he said cheerfully, sitting down next to the other boy and crossing his legs. "What ya doing?"

Remus sighed quietly but grinned. "I was hoping to get some peace and quiet for once but _someone_ interrupted that" he said, playfully rolling his eyes.

A small chuckle came from the Animagus. "Hey just be glad it's me! James wanted to come find you and he's like a million times louder than I am" the Black said, looking out across the grounds. "Wow it's so pretty. I forgot how amazing the sunset was."

"It really is. And it's so much better with you here with me."

Sirius blushed and rubbed the back of his neck shyly. Remus giggled quietly. "Have I made the resident player Sirius Black blush?"

The shorter boy tried to pretend to be mad but couldn't help but smile when he saw how happy Remus looked. "Maybe... But only cos you're so goddamn adorable" he grumbled.

It was Remus' turn to blush then which made Sirius laugh. "How about we head back to the dorm? It's starting to get cold and I don't want you to be a werewolf popsicle."

When Remus nodded, the two boys stood up and made their way back to the dorm. Remus stood as close to Sirius as possible without making himself feel uncomfortable.

That was enough for Sirius. He had a new spring in his step and he didn't stop smiling, even after they had gotten to the dorm. 

"Why are you smiling so much Pads? It's kinda creepy" James said when they got back. Sirius just hummed and ignored him. "I walked next to him" Remus answered for him.

James nodded and smiled. "Ah. He's in love."

Sirius blushed and hid his face in his hands. "Shut up. So what if I am? Can you blame me? Look at him! He's perfect!"

Click. 

The door shut and Sirius looked up. Remus was gone. 

James just shrugged when Sirius looked at him in confusion. The Black sighed and quickly ran out the dorm to find Remus.

* * *

The library was almost empty when Remus got there. He walked to the far corner, where they had agreed to meet. It was quiet and private.

Nobody ever really went to that corner so it was dusty but he knew it was perfect for their meeting.

He sat down, tapping his fingers on the table as he waited. 

They had been sending letters to each other for a while now and they had been very close during their first few years. 

But after Remus grew closer to the Marauders, they had been pushed apart. 

Being in different houses was hard enough but with the rivalry between their houses and the hatred Sirius and James had towards him, they couldn't meet up often. 

Remus soon got bored and grabbed a book off one of the shelves and started reading, quickly getting engrossed in the book.

He didn't hear the library door opening or the footsteps walking towards him. He only looked up when he heard the other boy speak. 

"Lupin. You came."

Remus smiled and looked up. "Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

Snape pulled out a seat and sat down next to Remus, looking around to make sure nobody could hear or see them. 

"Why did you want to see me?" Remus asked.

Snape looked at the book Remus was reading before answering. "Did you tell anyone about this?" He continued when the werewolf shook his head. "Good. I may as well be honest. I wanted to see you."

Disbelief was clear on Remus' face. "Really? Why?"

"I heard what happened to you and I... Wanted to make sure you were okay." It was clear Snape hadn't wanted to admit that. But he was glad he had when he saw Remus' cheeks turn a soft pink.

"I'm okay. I promise. I'm still recovering obviously but luckily James and Sirius have been helping me."

Snape frowned at that. "Weird. I would've guessed that Black would have taken advantage of your condition. It's clear that he likes you but he's also very impatient. He's not gonna wait forever. He's either gonna get bored of you and move on or he's gonna take what he wants."

Remus looked down, not wanting to believe what Snape said was true. Snape sighed quietly. "You know it's true Remus. You may as well move on before he does. I care about you. Sirius doesn't."

The werewolf didn't say anything, which Snape took as a sign to continue. "Have some time to think about it" he said before getting up and leaving Remus alone to think. 


	15. Chapter 15

The dorm was silent when Remus finally returned, head down and hands in his pockets. He seemed a lot more jumpy that usual and wouldn't even let Sirius near him.

All three boys could tell something was off, even James who was about observant as a rock. 

None of the Marauders wanted to be the one to speak to him about it though. Remus could be mean when angry and none of them wanted to cross him, not after last time.

A couple months ago, right before a full moon, Peter had taken some of Remus' chocolate. Long story short, Peter had been sent to the hospital wing for a few days and had almost missed the full.

Remus went straight over to his bed, tensing up whenever anyone spoke. Realising this, the other boys sat in silence. Peter didn't seem bothered by this but the two purebloods were starting to get worried. 

The werewolf didn't even look in their direction, making a point to ignore Sirius. He didn't believe what Snape said, how could he? But some part of him couldn't help but wonder if he was telling the truth.

Sirius was known for his way with the girls of the school and he replaced them easily once he got bored of them. 

What if the same thing was happening here?

It was a popular theory that Sirius had already made his way through all the girls in the school (other than Lily and his relatives obviously) and would start making his way through the guys as well.

Maybe he was starting with Remus. 

But why?

Why would he risk ruining his friendship for that? Remus thought. Then it clicked.

Sirius didn't want to be his friend anymore.

It was obvious. Or was he just overthinking again? He really didn't want to believe that Sirius didn't want to be his friend anymore - not to mention the fact that it made no sense - but it kinda made sense.

Deep down, Remus always knew his friendship with the other boys would never last. They were normal and would go on to live great lives. Remus was a freak and would he lucky if he survived his years at Hogwarts. 

He had no idea what to do. Nothing made sense to him. Seconds ticked into hours and the werewolf stayed unmoving, frozen in place. 

After a couple hours, James could take it no longer and tried to snap Remus out of it and talk to him. "Moony? What is going on? You're worrying us."

"Oh don't worry about me" Remus said, sounding a lot calmer than he looked. His voice was soft and soothing and his eyes slowly closed as he took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts.

When he spoke again, he sounded a lot more like himself. "Don't worry about me."

James sighed, ignoring the look Sirius gave him. "Remus John Lupin, something is wrong. Please tell me. I want to help you. Where did you go?"

All Remus needed to do was shake his head and give James his Teacher Look™ and the subject was dropped.

The room fell silent again and Remus returned to his thoughts. 

Nobody took any notice when Sirius shifted into Padfoot and sniffed the room. He recognised the scent that was coming from Remus.

He shifted back and glared at Remus, snapping the werewolf out of his thoughts. "What?" Remus asked, fidgeting uncomfortably. He hated seeing Sirius mad and he especially hated it when he was the reason why (though that wasn't often at all).

"Where the fuck were you?" the Black asked angrily, crossing his arms. He didn't need to ask but he wanted to give Remus a chance to explain himself.

Remus bit his lip nervously. "Library" he answered, trying to distract himself with a book he grabbed off his bedside table.

Seeing how uncomfortable and nervous Remus was, Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing. "You smell different. Like someone else."

James frowned and looked between the two boys. "What are you talking about Padfoot? Why would Moony be with anyone else? He doesn't even feel comfortable being around us most of the time" James said before quickly adding "But that's okay! You're recovering at your own pace!"

The room fell silent once again before Sirius continued his questioning. "Come on Rem. Who were you with?" Remus sighed and put his book down. "If you absolutely must know, I was with Severus."

All three boys looked like they had just seen a ghost. "Snivellus? Why?" Peter asked, voicing the other's thoughts.

"He asked to meet me and I agreed. We've been corresponding for a while now. He's not that bad you know. He's smart and we have a lot of things in common." Remus said, avoiding eye contact with the other Marauders.

Sirius looked like he was going to explode. How dare that greasy git talk to _his_ Moony? He growled quietly which caused James to look at him in confusion. "What's up?" he mouthed. Sirius just shook his head, choosing not to answer. They turned their attention back to Remus, who was staring down at his hands.

Remus felt guilty. He felt like he was lying to his friends but everything he had told them so far was the truth. He wasn't betraying them, was he?

He knew about James and Sirius' rivalry with Snape and had always tried to not get involved. That had been extremely difficult after Sirius' prank that had nearly gotten Snape killed.

The werewolf tried to push that out of his mind and focus on the situation at hand. He had never seen any of his friends look that angry and he started to panic.

Usually, the others would try to calm Remus down and make sure he was okay when he was having a panic attack. This time, however, was different. Peter shut the curtains around his bed and the two purebloods went back to talking to each other.

None of them even looked up when Remus ran into the bathroom, looking the door behind them. 

Quiet sobs could be heard behind the locked door and the faint drips of what they all assumed to be water from the tap. 

Whatever it was, none of them saw Remus again that night but none of them seem very bothered by it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a while. I'm kinda struggling rn but I'll try and update more. I think I'm getting close to the end of this now. I started this almost a year ago and I've loved writing it. ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

When Remus finally left the bathroom, it was around noon the next day. The others hadn't left the room, too worried about the werewolf.

Sirius looked up when he heard the bathroom door open to see Remus leaning against a wall. He was extremely pale and it was clear he had been crying.

"D-Do you guys hate me?" Remus asked quietly, looking down at the floor. He was visibly shaking and could hardly stand. "Sit down Rem. You look like you're going to faint. We've never hated you and we never will."

After Remus sat down, James continued. "We were a little confused last night but we don't hate you. Why were you with Snape? And what did he say?"

Remus didn't answer at first, staring down at his shaking hands. His light brown hair fell into his eyes but he couldn't care less, blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill. "It's none of your business. Just drop it."

"Moony, you were in the bathroom all night. Something is wrong. Please talk to us. We're here to help you" James said. Sirius just nodded, shaking slightly from nerves.

The werewolf just sighed. "Fine if you really must know. Snape was talking to me about Sirius."

James' face went red and he quickly stood up. "What the fuck did that greasy git say about Padfoot?" He sat back down when Remus rolled his eyes and huffed. "So this is what Snape meant. Wow. I was so stupid not to see it before."

"What are you talking about?" the Black asked. Remus glared at him before staring down at his lap. "I don't believe that you like me. Why would you? And even if you do like me, you're impatient. You'll either get bored of waiting and move on, or you'll just take what you want."

Tears filled Sirius' eyes. It hurt so much that Remus would think that. "M-Moony no. I'd never do that. Ever. I love you. I really do. You make me so happy. I'd wait forever for you."

Remus tried to believe Sirius' words but a part of him knew that they weren't true. "Just leave me alone. Why don't you just go find some girl to fuck or something?" he said, getting up and storming out the dorm.

For the first time, Sirius let himself cry in front of the other two Marauders.

* * *

Remus didn't know where he was going. He just needed to get away. Nothing made sense to him anymore. He had no idea who and what to believe. The Prefect bathroom seemed the safest place for him to go so he ran inside and locked the door after making sure he was the only one in there.

He wanted to believe Sirius loved him. He really did. But he couldn't. The idea that he could hurt Sirius broke his heart. He cared about Sirius more than anything else in his life. He always had. Sirius had always been there for him. He was the first one to accept him for being a werewolf, the one to come up with the Animagus idea, the first one to actually become an Animagus. All for him.

Sirius had done all that without asking for anything in return. He had done all those things for Remus. And Remus had just messed that all up.

The werewolf groaned and slumped against a wall. He covered his face with his hands. His skin felt cold and unnatural underneath his fingertips. A shiver ran down his spine as his head fell forward, resting on his knees. Water dripped from one of the taps as Remus got to his feet again. He knew what he had to do. He knew how to fix this mess.

Every problem was his fault.

The Whomping Willow incident? He hadn't been careful enough hiding his secret.

The whole Alex thing? He wasn't a good enough boyfriend.

Everything that was currently happening? He couldn't be with Sirius because he had let himself be raped and hadn't recovered yet.

He was trapped in his own mind. Thoughts of 'You aren't good enough', 'All of this is your fault' and 'They'd all be better off without you' plagued his mind. Nothing could save him. 

Well, except one thing.

During one study session with Snape, the Gryffindor had caught sight of the other boys Potions book and had seen something written in there that wasn't in his own. Something he hadn't stopped thinking about. Something that would help him solve everything.

His hand gripped his wand as he pointed it at his own chest. The dripping had stopped, only the sound of Remus' heavy breathing filling the room. He felt surprisingly calm. It was the right thing to do. 

But if that was true, why was his hand shaking so much? Why was his vision clouded with unshed tears? He tried to pass it off as the cold and the stinging pain from his wrists. 

Remus' voice shook as he finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Sectumsempra."

* * *

Back in the dorm, the other three Gryffindor boys were just sat talking about Remus. "I really hope he's okay. I care about him so much! Why doesn't he believe me though?" Sirius asked. He had finally stopped crying but his eyes were still red and puffy.

"He's going through a hard time. I know it's not a good enough excuse but he's still recovering. He'll come around soon enough." James said softly.

They were interrupted by Moaning Myrtle floating into the room. "I've never been in the boys dorm before" she giggled, looking around. She huffed when Sirius rolled his eyes at her. "What do you want?"

Myrtle flew over to Sirius, glaring at him. "Is that any way to speak to a girl? Why is everyone always so mean to me?" the ghost wailed. Sirius quickly spoke again, mainly to get her to shut up. "No I'm sorry Myrtle. Stop crying or Minnie will hear. What brings you here?" he asked, trying to be as polite as possible.

Silence filled the room before the girl spoke again. "Your friend is in the Prefects bathroom. I didn't see what happened but I heard him mumble somethung. I think it was a spell because when I came out of the toilet, he was laying on the floor and bleeding a lot."

All three boys faces went completely pale and they ran out of the dorm to find Lily as she was the only one who could get into the Prefects bathroom. Luckily she was sat in the common room with Marlene and Dorcas.

Lily rolled her eyes when she saw James approaching. "I really hope you're not here to ask me out again because the answer is still no."

James shook his head which confused Lily. "We need your help. We need to get into the Prefects bathroom. It's an emergency" he said urgently. The girl quickly got up with no questions and led them to the bathroom. She quickly said the password before Sirius pushed passed her to get to Remus. They couldn't see him straight away but the now blood-stained floor told them that he was definitely there.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled when he saw the boy, falling to his knees next to him. He pulled the pale body into his lap, tears falling onto Remus' pale face. Lily was the first one to speak again. "James go get Pomfrey Peter, get McGonagall. I'll try and heal as much of the cuts as I can."

The other boys nodded and quickly left as Lily crouched down next to Sirius. She grabbed her wand and started getting to work on healing the cuts. 

Sirius didn't let go of the boy in his arms. He watched the werewolf's chest rise and fall, it being the only indication that he was in fact still alive. He didn't even let go when Pomfrey and McGonagall arrived, finally releasing the boy after James had carefully pried his hands off. 

All four Gryffindors followed the two teachers to the Hospital Wing, not wanting to leave Remus. The sight of him in the bed brought back painful memories for the group but they didn't talk about it, more focused on their friends health. 

Luckily Pomfrey managed to heal Remus' cuts but he was still weak and would need to stay in the Hospital Wing for a few days. The group collectively breathed a sigh of relief after learning that Remus would recover just fine, and rather quickly thanks to his werewolf side.

Pomfrey finally left the Gryffindors alone after a few hours of tending to Remus. Lily was the first of the group to speak. "Does anyone have any idea why he did this? The Alex situation would be my first guess but he seemed to be recovering really well, I didn't know he was going through all this."

"It wasn't because of Alex. Well that was probably part of it. Snivellus and Remus have been talking and they met up in the library the other day. It seems that Snape convinced Remus that Sirius didn't really care about him" James explained, telling Lily everything that happened.

Sirius stayed silent, feeling like it was all his fault. He squeezed Remus' hand gently.

Remus already looked a little better. His cheeks were slightly pinker and he was breathing better.

This calmed Sirius' racing mind and he let himself relax a little, staring down at the boy on the bed. "I love you Remus" he whispered before looking at the others and joining in on their conversation.

All of them went silent as a small voice came from the bed. "I love you too Sirius." 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the last chapter. Thank you so much for reading this. I'm so glad people have enjoyed it. I started writing this almost a year ago and it's been so crazy.
> 
> I may add another chapter but it's highly unlikely.

Thanks to Pomfrey, Remus was allowed to go back to the dorm by the end of the week. He and Sirius hadn't yet had a chance to talk alone but much to Remus' dismay, that chance came when they got back to the dorm. Remus sat down on his bed, staring down at the floor. Sirius watched him from his own bed. 

Neither of them wanted to break the silence but Remus eventually spoke. "So... Lily and James huh? he asked, trying to avoid the elephant in the room.

While Remus had been in the Hospital Wing, James and Lily had spent a lot of time together. It seemed that the red-head had finally come round because they were on a date in Hogsmeade. 

Sirius nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah it seems so. James hasn't shut up about it. But that's not what we need to talk about. Why did you do it Rem? Was it because of me?"

"No of course not! I-I did it because I hurt you. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Sirius" Remus said, looking up at Sirius with tears in his eyes. Sirius' face instantly softened. "Rem I forgive you. I know that wasn't the only reason and I know that Alex had something to do with it but please tell me everything. I wanna help you."

The werewolf sighed quietly before telling Sirius everything. About Alex, what Snape had said, how he felt, how he was struggling with everything. By the time Remus had finished, Sirius was close to tears. He ran over to the younger boy and hugged him tightly, careful not to hurt him. "Moony listen to me. I love you. Okay? I always have and I always will. I will never do anything to you without your consent and I will never get bored of you. I want to be with you. For the rest of my life. I don't care how long it takes for us to be together. I would wait my whole life for you."

Remus hugged Sirius back, listening to everything he had to say. He hesitated slightly before taking a deep breath and pulling Sirius into a soft kiss. The other boy quickly reciprocated it, not going any further than what Remus was comfortable with. Remus pulled back after a few seconds, smiling shyly at Sirius as a soft blush covered his cheeks. "I love you too Sirius."

"Will you... Will you go on a date with me?" Sirius asked nervously, worried that he was pushing Remus. He visibly relaxed when the werewolf nodded and kissed him again. 

Nothing else mattered to the two Gryffindors. They were perfectly content in their own little bubble, spending the rest of the day cuddling in Remus' bed and eating chocolate.

Until a certain loud friend of theirs came running in and started yelling about his date. He stopped talking when he noticed what the other boys were doing. "Wait a second. Seriously? You guys are together?"

Remus nodded as Sirius responded, huge smiles on both of their faces. "Sirius-ly. We're gonna go on a date and everything. I told you I loved him James. He's perfect and I've never been happier" he said, smiling when the boy in his arms blushed. James smiled at them both. "Well I'm happy for you guys. I'm gonna go have dinner. Hopefully Lily is there. See ya!"

After James ran out the dorm, Remus turned to look at Sirius. "I've never been happier either. I really do love you." The werewolf kissed the older boy softly, wrapping his arms around him. Sirius followed Remus' lead, not pushing him to do anything he didn't want to. Remus deepened the kiss slightly but as he didn't really know what to do, he let Sirius lead. 

Sirius pulled back slightly. "We don't have to do anything if you're not ready. We can go at your pace. I don't mind" he said softly, stroking the younger boys hair.

"But what if you get bored of me?"

"Remus John Lupin, I could never get bored of you. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I can wait."

Remus nodded and cuddled up to Sirius, head resting on his chest. "I can feel your heart beating." Sirius just smiled and kissed the top of his head. 

Soon enough, the sound of the werewolf snoring filled the room. Remus had fallen asleep to the sound of Sirius' heartbeat and Sirius melted at the sigh of the sleeping boy.He hadn't been lying when he had told James he had never been happier. If he was being honest, he only ever felt truly at home when he was with Remus. There were no words that could possibly describe how happy he was. He soon fell asleep as well, holding the other boys close to his chest.


End file.
